A few jokes I thought funny.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded I take her some place expensive. So I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…
* * * * *
My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to make love?”
“No.” she answered.
“Is that your final answer?” I asked.
“Yes!”
“Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started.
* * * * *
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to file. When she asked for some ID to prove my age, I realized I’d left my wallet at home. I told the lady, “Sorry, I’ll have to come back later.”
“unbutton your shirt.” She ordered and I did. “Your silver chest hair is good enough for me,” and signed me up.
I was excited when I got home and explained what had happened to my wife. “You should have dropped your pants, then you’d have got disability!”
And then the fight started.
* * * * *
Saturday morning, I got up early, quietly dressed, fixed my lunch, and went out into the garage. There I hooked the boat to my truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and learned it was going to rain all day.
Going back into the house, I undressed and slipped back into bed, snuggling up to my wife’s back, and whispered, “It’s raining terribly out there.”
My loving wife replied, “Yea, that stupid husband of mine is out fishing in that.”
And then the fight started.
* * * * *
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken woman sitting alone swigging drink after drink.
“Do you know her?” My wife asked.
“She’s an old girl friend. I heard she started drinking after we broke up and hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God, I didn’t know anyone could celebrate that long!”
And then the fight started.
* * * * *
I took my wife to a restaurant. For some reason, the waiter took my order first. “I’ll have the New York Strip, medium rare.”
“Aren’t you worried about the Mad Cow?”
“No, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started.
* * * * *
A woman is standing nude, looking into the bedroom mirror, not happy with what she sees. “I feel horrible. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
Her husband replies, “Your eyesight is darn near perfect.”
And then the fight started.
I’d heard a couple before, still funny, and I apologize that the slant is male on most of them.
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