How much Cocaine did Charlie Sheen do last year? Enough to kill two and a half men. (groan)
A cop stopped me on the way home last week. When I asked him why, he said, “Yur eyes look glassy. You been drinking?” I said, “Your eyes look glazed. You been eating doughnuts?” Damn, them nightsticks hurt.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for fifteen years. he breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple asleep in bed. He orders the guy up and ties him to a chair. While tying the woman to the bed, he gets on top, kissing her neck, then getting up to go into the bathroom. The man says, “Listen honey, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably hasn’t been with a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he wants no matter how much it nauseates you. He’s very dangerous. If you make him angry, he’ll probably kill us. Be strong, honey, I love you!”
To which his wife responded, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if ewe had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you!”
Here’s a humorous clip based on STAR TREK