Assault of The Sasquatch(2009)

I’m a sucker for Sasquatch/Bigfoot movies, good or bad. To ‘borrow’ a phrase from Bill Crider, “I want to believe.” This one definitely fits into the latter category. I’ll tell you about the worst one I ever saw another time. Unfortunately I don’t remember the title and haven’t come across it in the many years since I saw it on TV.

This movie would have been right at home as a SyFy project, except for the nudity in the shower scene and the excessive profanity, faded of course and the nudity, as one wag once put it, “the lady parts were blurred.”

Here we have some bear poachers catch more in a spring loaded trap than they bargained for. The headman is Terry Drake(Kevin Shea), he of the long flowing snow-whiee hair and eyepatch. He cares nothing about his two mwn. One is killed at the site, he leaves the body, and he shoves the second into the back of his big truck when the drug wears off the Sasquatch, doses it with three or four darts, then slams it shut when two forest rangers drive up.

Ryan Walker(Greg Nutcher) is a former cop and Krystle Morin(Christina Santiago) is his partner. Walker, ten years ago, catches two brothers who’d broken into his home, cut his wife’s throat and were threatening his young daughter, killing one of them, the wrong one, and sending the real killer to jail for eight years. He’s part of the film of course.

Drake is arrested and Walker drives the big van into the city behind his partner in their vehicle. Not once did either of them bother to check out the cargo area of the truck. Of course finding a dead body and an unconscious Sasquatch would have ended the film pretty quickly.

When the Sasquatch comes to and breaks out of the truck, the movie descends into a cut-rate ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13, only with a SASquatch insread of a gang. And not nearly as well done.

Now for some of the characters: A pair of nerdy dudes, one a large economy size with a high-pitched screech of a voice(see the trailer below) and a police station being renovated so there’s only a skeleton crew. A hot secretary that suddenly turns into Xena Warrior Princess against the Sasquatch(again the trailer or the photo), complete with shield and a knife in a thigh garter.

A bad movie, perhaps avoided by most of you, and I certainly wouldn’t be interested in a second viewing. Well maybe with lady parts unblurred. I am an unrepentant male.